An Epic Journey: an obsession with forward motion

Lunch break at work … figured I’d occupy myself with something somewhat constructive … since it’s all downhill from here …

Was supposed to ride yesterday with Christine & Joe. Joe bailed because of the weather and Christine & I sort of mutually agreed to do the same so we ditched the ride. In retrospect a ride wouldn’t have been so bad, it was damp and it looked like it might pour at any moment but it held off and wasn’t so bad … Anyway I tried the app Endomondo as an alternative to MapMyRide. First, it was a lot more accurate and it tells you your time every mile or km … it was pretty cool and has a lot of details. I may switch to this. So my 3 mile run yesterday … it was slow as usual and even slower … my calf didn’t tighten up as it has been doing which was excellent, however it was uncomfortable and let’s just say very reminescent to the time coming into my stress fracture a few years ago – let’s just say they feel very similar. After the run, my calf felt a little sore and not so good but after a shower, rolling then ice, it stopped hurting. It’s a little tender if I push on the muscle/shin area. All the tightening in my calf and started the season with a shin splint, all this means is I need to take things a little easy and be cautious, roll & ice … and I’ll pull through injury free … I better!!

Tomorrow 8 am practice starts … 6 miles on the schedule for me … I can live with that. It’s so frustrating because I want to run longer and my head thinks I can or should be running farther but my legs just don’t have it in them yet. It’s so frustrating and my legs hurt – I can live with the sore muscles but they don’t seem to be getting stronger – I guess time, just time and my impatience is showing … one of my major flaws as a human being … and oh, believe me I have a lot more, but that is a big one …

And a week from today the Ragnar Relay - My team is The Flashy Longwood Kickers. I was a last minute fill in for someone who couldn’t run. Running 3 legs – Carver, Sandwich & Brewster … 12+ miles … have a crazy friend, he’s doing 60+ miles, doesn’t surprise me in the least, nothing he does could or would surprise – well, the day he says he’s getting married, then I’ll be surprised … uhh, actually maybe not … anyway, doesn’t matter …

Lunch is over, it’s Friday & the day is half done … all is good … and that’s all there is for today …

Ran 3 miles yesterday - went very well, was comfortable. I was dragging at first and really didn’t feel like running but once I started and was out there, I was glad I did. According to Map My Ride last month, I totaled 194 miles (bike & run) for 18.12 hours with 21 workouts and burned 8,831 calories.

Looking forward to the Ragnar Relay next weekend. My legs are real easy in comparison to most … wish & would love to do more but my main priority is to remain injury free so I’m trying to run smart … later in the season I’ll start pushing a little more as I aim for an ultra in the fall.

Planned to ride today but not sure, its pretty wet and just the kind of damp that makes you feel cold … I miss the sun. 

Perfect sleeping weather – too bad I can’t take a nap …

  The Mayonnaise Jar and Two Cups of Coffee

When things in your lives seem almost… too much to handle, when 24 hours in a day are not enough, remember the mayonnaise jar and the 2 cups of coffee.

A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, he wordlessly picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls. He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was.

The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls. He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was.

The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with an unanimous “yes.”

The professor then produced two cups of coffee from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar effectively filling the empty space between the sand. The students laughed.

“Now,” said the professor as the laughter subsided, “I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the important things–your family, your children, your health, your friends and your favorite passions–and if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full.

The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house and your car.

The sand is everything else–the small stuff. “If you put the sand into the jar first,” he continued, “there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls. The same goes for life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff you will never have room for the things that are important to you.

“Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Play with your children. Take time to get medical checkups. Take your spouse out to dinner. Play another 18. There will always be time to clean the house and fix the disposal. Take care of the golf balls first–the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand.”

One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the coffee represented. The professor smiled. “I’m glad you asked.

It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem, there’s always room for a couple of cups of coffee with a friend.”

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Got out of work early today for a “parent” meeting then met Joe, from the team, for a ride. He’s doing a half ironman this summer and wanted to ride the course. We are both about the same speed on the bike so he asked me to ride. We met at Camp Cathedral … let’s just say the wind really sucked today … we didn’t know the course, so with map in hand we set out … about 2 miles in we ran into 2 other cyclists … they were riding the course too so we just rode along with them, It actually was a lot of fun … there was one tough hill somewhere around mile 20 but other than that, it was a pretty nice course. My MapMyRide screwed up as usual and said the 26 was 28 miles and we averaged 15mph … it wasn’t a hard ride so that’s probably about right … the wind was really bad, but all in all it was a good workout … I can feel myself slowly getting back into shape. It’s not fun getting old and having to work twice as hard to do some things that used to come so easy … but it’s all worth it and in the end, it’s what makes me happy and that counts for a lot.

Yesterday got in a quick 5 mile mountain bike ride with Gretchen & Ken. We didn’t get to Massasoit until 6:30 and it was packed. I forgot there is a race on Sunday so everyone is out there riding the course. It’s great having someone to ride the trails with again and Gretchen & Ken are great. Gretchen is just getting back into riding and real hard on herself … maybe hesitant at times, which is quite understandable, she sucks it up, and just does it … she rode down this hill that took me months to find the courage … I’m half way there to talking her & Ken into doing the VT 50 … I said I was done … but I’ll do it again if Gretchen is willing … it will be a blast … not to mention she is the most talented horse artist I have ever met and I’ve been involved with horses for more than 35 years.

Practice tomorrow, 8 miles on my schedule … ran 5 on Wednesday, MapMyRide really screwed this one up and had me doing 3mm, pretty cool, but I don’t even dream of running that fast … don’t know what happened … it was actually about 11mm but I was happy with that … again, I’ll never be fast but I’m out there doing it and hopefully, I’ll get faster as my fitness improves … I can do an 8mm but hell, that only lasts a mile … after my 5 miles, then I had pizza & beer … I earned it …

So, today at work I think I really pissed off one of my co-workers … didn’t mean to and sure as hell didn’t know joking about answering the phone was such a touchy subject but it apparently was … the worst part is, I rarely ever try to piss anyone off and I never try to be mean or a jerk, but some people just take things that way … I like to be invisible, I’m used to it … sometimes it’s the best way to be … but life doesn’t work the way you plan … I seem to have become very good at pissing lots of people off without doing anything … oh well, my purpose in life isn’t to make others happy, even if I try …

On an ending note, watching the couple I rode with today, I guess envious might be the right word … it was so nice to see … it was obvious he was a cyclist and much faster than the speed we were going but he was training his partner, who I later found out is his wife … she just started cycling and is not comfortable on the bike … the patience, and diligence he showed to her was so nice to see … at one point Joe & the guy rode ahead and the girl & I started talking … she’s doing her first half iron man and her husband is helping her … to have a partner who shares in your passion and has the patience and desire to share in it … it was so nice to see … I think I’d rather wait it out then settle for less … that’s what I want … the big question is whether I find it … and on that note … that’s all there is … time to eat!

Practice this morning … Lauren is back! She stopped by and picked me up and we headed over together … it was a somewhat small practice … but a perfect morning for running …

Jay surprised us with a 1 mile time trial … he told me to run at 70% since I’ve been having so many calf issues … when it comes to putting in percents, I’m not good at that, I just run. I am guessing if I ran at 100% I’d likely end with puke … but maybe not … anyway, so off we went for the mile … and I just ran. I was hoping at the 1/2 mile mark my calf wouldn’t start and lucky for me, it didn’t … and I just kept running. Made it back and calf still was fine (YES!) … ended up with 8:36 for my base. I have already come to terms with the fact that I will NEVER be fast but I can be faster … and I’ll get there … After the time trial Jay told us the rest of the workout – I had 6 miles – so 1 down, 5 more to go (grrr!) And again off I went … The run went surprisingly well – the first loop was 3 miles (not many hills, just a few small ones) … my calf became a little tight but I mean a little and not enough to interfere with my running so I was able to run through it and didn’t have to stop and walk – that’s a first!!

Came back to “camp” after the 3 and rolled my calf and stretched then Jay said go do a mile, come back and see how it goes … so went out for another mile … the bugs were so thick in one section I couldn’t help but inhale/swallow a few … gross! but yeah, it happens … made it back and Jay asked how I felt, he said tired doesn’t matter if there’s no pain … I was tired as hell, but no pain so he grabbed me water, turned me around and said don’t stop and go out and do the last mile … and so guess what, I went out and did the last mile … finished the last 5 with 11mm average … again nothing to shout about but I’m pleased … I ran, my calf didn’t hurt and I’m off to a good start … I have my 6 week goal to get in better shape then the rest of the summer to really get where I want to be … and after a hard lesson learned, I am sure as hell not taking the winter off again … that price is too damn high!

note the pink ipad!

So, Tues is Tri night at Spark, Thursday is the team cycling time trial … and I have a much more “aggressive” training schedule this week … bike tomorrow, Monday off, a brick on Tuesday, bike Wednesday, 5 mile run Thursday, off Friday and 8 miles Saturday. I am going to have to do some adjusting though since doing the time trial Thursday throws off the 5 mile run … but I’m creative. May make tomorrow’s ride a trail ride, it’s supposed to rain and my road bike is back in for repairs, the cables and housing need replacing  – or so I think …

All I can say is Sushi tonight and I can’t wait! And that’s it for now!!

A lot to say since I last wrote because I have been doing much of the proverbial “soul searching” although I must say, I never lost my soul … its been meandering right along with me in no particular direction … I skipped practice on Saturday; my calf and practice the week before and the duathlon plus a lot of personal things have had me overwhelmed and I started losing the “fun” I have found in my endeavors. One of my friends, a great teammate said, go have fun, find the fun again … so I decided not to do the race, skip practice and take my bike to the rail trail and just ride … not for time, not for training, just ride as far and as fast or slow as I wanted to go and reconnect with all the things that I love about cycling … so that’s what I did. Started in Dennis and rode all the way to Wellfleet … just about 22 miles … then turned around and rode back. Okay, at about mile 35 my bum was in full rebellion mode and my quads were burning slightly, I mean this was the 4th time I’d been on my bike this year … and I have faced the fact, I am simply out of shape and it sucks. Jay gave me a “little talk” as I was driving to the Cape and said 6 weeks, I just need 6 weeks and I’ll be back where I want to be … it’s great to have motivation but I have to be realistic and not let wanting it “today” deter me from working for it tomorrow … my patience is somewhat lacking, I want instant results and when I don’t get them I get frustrated and give up … anyway, the hours on the bike gave me a long time to think and I came to a lot of conclusions … I’ll get to that soon …

I went to the race to support my teammate Gretchen … it was also just what I needed. Seeing people out there, some fast, some slow … giving it there all … now of course I don’t know how they train or anything like that, but it gave me a lot of thought into what I have been doing versus what I could do … Gretchen encouraged me to try the race in 6 weeks, another duathlon … 2 mile run, 12 mile bike, 2 mile run … I can do that … but then I said I want to do it well … and if I am going to do it well, then I need to make some changes, become accountable and work harder … and it all fits in that nice 6 week time frame Jay suggested I needed to get back into shape … perfect … 6 weeks, a race (a goal) and now time to get my “shit” together and see what I can really do …

Now for the revelation and ugly truth part … I have struggled with smoking for years … some of my closest friends know and some may have guessed … I don’t know. I’d quit for a day then say, I’ll quit tomorrow and start again … so yes, I ran some half marathons, a marathon, and rode 2 VT 50s as a smoker … closet smoker … I kept telling myself I wanted to quit but really I didn’t. I liked smoking … it’s a god awful addictive habit and for me the addiction is mostly psychological … BUT Sunday, I had my last cigarette and I told myself starting Monday, my 47th birthday, everything was changing and I am taking control of my life and it’s direction and I am accountable for my poor and/or good choices. I sent Jay a long email and I told him that I have been smoking and have quit, I want to be accountable, I want to train, and train right for this race in 6 weeks and my long term ultra goals (RI 6 hour in the fall). As part of my accountability, it’s time I came clean with the truth, admit my sometimes poor and flawed judgment and take control moving forward … I told Jay in my email, there really is no point to continue with training and work as hard as I do and smoke – if I don’t quit then I am not staying on the team, it’s stupid … so here I am, the ugly hidden truth is out on the table and I only share it here as part of my accountability and moving forward and trying to be the best that I am capable, whether running, riding, or as a person and friend. I have my set goals in sight and my focus is on achieving those goals … for me, my kids and my granddaughter.

Ran to the Riv yesterday … 2 mile run … met Anthony, Dan, and Steve … had some wings and a beer, then Lauren surprised me with a visit and Paul and more beer … then home … and today I did a 3.5 mile run, funny my MapMyRun had me doing 3.5mm … yeah, not even in my wildest dreams … don’t know why the thing malfunctioned … I was running and not in the car or on my bike … it was more like 11mm but I’ll take the 3.5 for my dreams … and there you have it … its not necessarily pretty … but its me and I’m doing the best I can … take me or leave me … sometimes the truth sucks … and I am accepting full accountability for what it was and will be …. I’m on my way … and there you have it …. and just saying … I’m pretty grouchy so approach with caution and at your own risk!

Sophia

Well, big news, it’s a girl … my first granddaughter will be born in September … Sophia. It was so exciting to see her today, such tiny fingers … I don’t ever remember being able to see all the individual fingers when I had my last ultrasound, but that was years ago …

Picked my bike up … great to have a good friend who likes working on bikes … Thanks PG for getting me race ready for Sunday … well at least my bike, time and training are what I need for me … but it will all be fun!

Was eating at the Cheesecake Factory and the woman at the next table ordered a gin rickey, the waiter said there’s gin in that and the woman says oh, I don’t want gin, I’ll take a coke … I sometimes wonder what people are thinking … or I should say not thinking … I’m always amazed at the lack of thought or is it brains … but maybe I’m being too harsh … they just seem to climb out of the woodwork around me …

Practice tomorrow morning as usual … and I have a lot of gluttony to work off from nachos last night to fish tacos today …  and that’s it for now …

Time trial went okay … unimpressive and no excuse that it’s my 3rd time on my road bike this year … finished the loop with a 16.1mph average.

This is my base for the rest of the season with lots of room for improvement … but I have that in every direction I turn … I know the reality of it all …

Another week with a lot going on … tomorrow is the big day where we will find out if my grandbaby is Noah or Sophia … I cannot wait … and tonight is my Friday … beer & nachos with a friend … yes, life is good … I have no complaints …

A big weekend coming … practice Saturday, race Sunday … and that’s it for today … TGIF even if it’s only Thursday …

All I can say is this is so true …  and yes, you know who you are and exactly what I mean … the rest of ya can just scratch your head – you don’t have a clue …

And now I am done for the day! Until I have more to say, which won’t be long at this rate ….

Ok, I am going to hell for it … but I have reached my quota for the day … and I’m sure just about everone has had these moments – like today – I emailed someone and they responded asking for more info – I responded, it was in the subject line, I’m sorry if you didn’t get it – they responded, oh, I didn’t read it –  mistakes don’t make people stupid … stupid is JUST stupid and some days my patience runs thin when it becomes the norm of the people I’m talking with – well, stupid and now I’m reserving an even better spot in hell by adding LAZY – if you can’t take 2 seconds to read the subject line

Saturday transition practice

or glance at what it says as it might be relevant then that is either stupid or lazy or a little of both … okay, I’m done bitching for the day … (maybe) …

Practice was awful Saturday – that’s all I’m going to say – I was not a happy camper – and not going to talk about it now except to say that I am now doing the bike portion of the duathlon and one of my teammates is going to run for me. I can run, however too slow and until my calf issue gets resoved there is no point in puting myself in race conditions knowing full well it isn’t going to go well … have been rolling all week and if things don’t start to improve, then Blue Hills Sports Therapy, here I come … but at least I can ride my bike.

Tonight after work is the first team time trial – we are doing a 2.7 mile loop around Ames Pond – 4x is my guess but who knows. We should have about 6 of us doing it, but again who knows. I’m looking forward to it – I’ve never been particularly fast on my bike but through my “slug” of a winter hibernation and gluttony fest, I somehow was able to maintain a little of my cycling fitness – but Bobby will kick my butt, just as he does in every damn “Words With Friends” game – but it could be worse … After time trial, found someone kind enough to go over my bike before the race Sunday – so a quick pit stop to the “shop” then back to the grind … but yeah, Thursday night is my Friday and Friday I’m off! Going to the doctor with my daughter – going to see my grandbaby for the first time … is it Noah or Sophia … we will know on lucky Friday the 13th!

Had a Twisted Easter … well, seriously, it was nice – cooked – lots of food – ham and pineapple stuffing and watched War Horse while we ate – had a really great, lazy day (we need those once in a while) with the kids!!

Well, that’s all for now, will let ya know how the time trial goes …